I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
