Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
