I puked a lego.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
