I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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