Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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