I am puke
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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