Do you still have your period?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize