3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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