I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
