I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
