You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
