Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
