When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
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