Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I supernannyed him into submission
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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