oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
