dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
