apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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