fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
