How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
