"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
