i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize