your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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