So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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