There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
