Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
