if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
