I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm both gender and math confused
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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