Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
