Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
