Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize