i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You are a genius and a whore.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
