i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
