Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
