i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
