Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
