Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I said "one day" and that day is not today
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
