I'm going to jail i love you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
