OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
