So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
