'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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