i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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