I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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