happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
