tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
