I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
