Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
