You work out of a Hotel?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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