Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
