i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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