but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
