wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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