Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
