last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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