so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
