I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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