Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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