He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
