i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
