Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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