I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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