You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
