Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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