so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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