I wish my penis had an off switch
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
