I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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