He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
