but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize