It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
