stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
