bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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