if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
