i cant cry in cvs. not again.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
